221.5! Finally, a new number! I did awesome diet wise yesterday, so I was really encouraged to actually see it reflected on my scale today. I had a hard evening, lots of worrying and crying over my grandpa. Worry is my biggest weakness. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be that. I worry over everything. “Will we be able to pay rent? Will I get Crohns, like my mother? Will my grandparents pass away while I’m on the other side of the world”? And then there are the smaller worries, like “What if I don’t get this report done in time? Are we going to have time for laundry on Saturday? What if the mall closes, and Matthew isn’t out of work yet? Will security kick me out in the rain? Do I look fat to these people? Are people staring at me?” Seriously, it is all-consuming. I know that I need to simply put my faith in God, but it isn’t exactly “simple”. So that is a non-weight-loss goal I have. Put my faith in God and worry less. There are multiple Bible verses that, in a nutshell, say that same thing; but believing and putting into action are very different.
Anyway, here’s what yesterday looked like:
Lunch – wrap (turkey, laughing cow, hummus, a little red bean mixture from my beans and rice, and spinach), apple
Snack – carrots and PB
Dinner – a lean cuisine dinner, plus Brussels sprouts
Evening snack – handful of walnuts, diet hot cocoa
Today I got to the office at 6:00 am so that I can leave early to get to the hospital. Today’s memory is in honor of my grandpa.
Memory – My wedding. At the reception, people were making toasts. My grandpa gave one of the most moving toasts; I don’t remember all of the wording, but it was basically this:
“To a man and woman who are two of the best souls in the world. Matthew, you are lucky to have Amy. She has the kindest heart you will ever meet. My Amanda,” (that’s my full name) “you have always hung back and waited for grandpa. When we’re all walking somewhere, you’ll walk with me. Even when you were a small child, you made my heart burst.” (That sentence is word for word! And then the heartbreaker - ) “My hope is that you will always love Matthew as much as you have loved me”.