Didn’t weigh myself today… I figured it would just be depressing, and if I wait a few days, and then I break even, it’ll be better. If that’s what happens! *wink*
Yesterday I did better than Thanksgivings past; but still not great.
Had lunch with all the fixins at Grandma’s – turkey, potatoes, carrots, Brussels sprouts, stuffing, green bean casserole… but I abstained from the roll (fat lot of good that probably did me). I also had 1 light beer. I then went to Grandma # 2 for DINNER, where I had more turkey, potatoes, and dressing; along with a piece of chocolate pie. Planned on going home.. but then the brother in law called. All the cousins were going to a movie at 9:00 pm. That meant probably we’d be out around 11:00. Not fun when I had to get up at 5:00, but I figured it’d be alright.
The movie was 3 hours. And seriously, there were 4 endings. Complete plot resolution, then a whole new storyline would start. Do NOT go see Australia. I thought I’d be great; I was wrong.
When we got out, at midnight, everyone said they were going to IHOP. Husband looked at me with puppy dog eyes. Brother-in-law and sister-in-law to be did the same. I caved, and we went. Husband and I shared a breakfast sandwich (egg, ham, cheese) and some onion rings. I had half of everything.
I got home and in bed at 3:00am, decided to go into work an hour late, and got up at 6:00am. Yeah, like 3 hours is REALLY a lot better than 2. So I got here, pumped 3 cups of coffee, a WW English muffin, and yogurt into me. Now I’m STARVING!!!
Today will be long; but I’m looking forward to a FANTASTIC nap. My sister has talked us into going to a bar with her tonight, since all of my cousins are in town. So I’ll be up late yet again, probably being a designated driver, because I’m the only one that can imagine having a good time at the bar without drinking. Imagine that…
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
Just a short note – I’m up again, 218.5. Yesterday I was 219. Frustrating, because I’ve been eating well the past two days! The only time I cheated was yesterday with about 3 bites of cherry pie. And I don’t really even consider that CHEATING. Cheating was this weekend, with movie theater popcorn and M&Ms. But that made me LOSE weight. *sigh* This is a bit confusing.
Anyway, have a wonderful Thanksgiving; we have our normal hectic holiday. 2 grandparents homes tomorrow, visit a third set of grandparents Friday, and go to my mom’s for dinner on Sunday. Not exactly relaxing, but I enjoy time with our families, so it’ll be nice.
Anyway, have a wonderful Thanksgiving; we have our normal hectic holiday. 2 grandparents homes tomorrow, visit a third set of grandparents Friday, and go to my mom’s for dinner on Sunday. Not exactly relaxing, but I enjoy time with our families, so it’ll be nice.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Weekend Loss
I think I'm the only person on earth that does the large majority of their weight loss on the weekends... isn't that supposed to be the time you GAIN?
216.5 today. I had a long weekend, but I don't feel like going into it. The only thing I will say is that once again, my loss was not due to exercise or healthy eating, but LACK of eating. Today I have a better plan, though.
Breakfast: oatmeal
lunch: yogurt, blueberries, 1 serving Kashi crackers with laughing cow cheese
Dinner: potato/saurkraut pie (husband's favorite)
snacks: Apple, orange
I have 1.5 lbs to go to get to the "Thanksgiving" goal that I set for myself. Not unattainable, but definitely hard, considering I have a hard time losing during the week. I have housework to do tonight, but plan on walking at the mall most of the evening tomorrow. I need to get out of the house; but the snow is COMIN' DOWN! Maybe I'll go dance in the snow tonight...
216.5 today. I had a long weekend, but I don't feel like going into it. The only thing I will say is that once again, my loss was not due to exercise or healthy eating, but LACK of eating. Today I have a better plan, though.
Breakfast: oatmeal
lunch: yogurt, blueberries, 1 serving Kashi crackers with laughing cow cheese
Dinner: potato/saurkraut pie (husband's favorite)
snacks: Apple, orange
I have 1.5 lbs to go to get to the "Thanksgiving" goal that I set for myself. Not unattainable, but definitely hard, considering I have a hard time losing during the week. I have housework to do tonight, but plan on walking at the mall most of the evening tomorrow. I need to get out of the house; but the snow is COMIN' DOWN! Maybe I'll go dance in the snow tonight...
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sensational Salad!!
219.5 – down a half pound. And I even had a slice of pizza last night!
Made major progress with the Husband yesterday – we talked and laughed without bickering once, and he even gave me a hug. Sounds basic, but for us, a big step in the right direction.
Yesterday I didn’t want to be cooped up inside all day; things are feeling Christmasy, and I wanted to bask in it (plus, I needed some new gloves)! Once again, I went to the mall for the evening… I wandered, tried things on, and enjoyed Christmas music and twinkling lights. I got a “winter set” with a soft new scarf, gloves, and a hat on sale for $15! (65% off… go me!).
Diet went well, except for the pizza. I had the usual oatmeal for breakfast, a bowl of zucchini soup for lunch, cottage cheese and applesauce, walnuts… and then MAGIC happened. A new restaurant opened in the food court; Sensational Salads. This place just opened yesterday, and boy, were they aiming to please! I ordered a cup of soup and ½ salad for $6.99. The “1/2” salad was HUGE. I got a heaping pile of greens, and my pick of 4 different veggies. My picks? Carrots, green peppers, cucumbers… and more cucumbers J I had my pick of 15 DIFFERENT DRESSINGS! I was a good girl and asked for a very small bit of raspberry vinaigrette, and it was perfect. My soup was cheese and spinach. That was not so great; it had clumps of flour in it, and it tasted… old. So I didn’t really eat more than ¼ of it (which is probably good, because I bet there was a LOT of bad stuff in that small cup of soup!)
I then faced my biggest temptation so far in my diet. I wanted cheese fries from Great Steak SOO bad. I was still hungry, and I knew that I would need to eat something else before the end of the night. I decided to walk for awhile instead, and wandered for another hour, window shopping. Finally, at about 7:45, I couldn’t take it anymore. With my current book in hand (Twilight… yes, I’ve fallen victim to that hideously popular book.. but it’s really interesting so far!), I made my way back to the food court… and BACK to Sensational Salads. Dun dun dun….
I got a bigger-than-life fruit bowl with watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, and a strawberry. It took a very long time to eat, because I was reading it and savoring the sweetness of the melon. Afterwards, I was STILL hungry, but didn’t feel the need to get anything else.
On the way home, I caved. My husband wanted a “Hot N’Ready” pizza from Little Caesars. I had ONE piece, and the smallest one at that. It was soo yummy, but I know that I’d have felt icky if I had eaten more. He didn’t have a problem – Mr. Fit-as-a-whistle Husband ate the rest of the pizza, along with ½ 2-liter of Mountain Dew. Then, with more caffeine in his system than I think I’VE had in years, we went to sleep; and slept like rocks.
Made major progress with the Husband yesterday – we talked and laughed without bickering once, and he even gave me a hug. Sounds basic, but for us, a big step in the right direction.
Yesterday I didn’t want to be cooped up inside all day; things are feeling Christmasy, and I wanted to bask in it (plus, I needed some new gloves)! Once again, I went to the mall for the evening… I wandered, tried things on, and enjoyed Christmas music and twinkling lights. I got a “winter set” with a soft new scarf, gloves, and a hat on sale for $15! (65% off… go me!).
Diet went well, except for the pizza. I had the usual oatmeal for breakfast, a bowl of zucchini soup for lunch, cottage cheese and applesauce, walnuts… and then MAGIC happened. A new restaurant opened in the food court; Sensational Salads. This place just opened yesterday, and boy, were they aiming to please! I ordered a cup of soup and ½ salad for $6.99. The “1/2” salad was HUGE. I got a heaping pile of greens, and my pick of 4 different veggies. My picks? Carrots, green peppers, cucumbers… and more cucumbers J I had my pick of 15 DIFFERENT DRESSINGS! I was a good girl and asked for a very small bit of raspberry vinaigrette, and it was perfect. My soup was cheese and spinach. That was not so great; it had clumps of flour in it, and it tasted… old. So I didn’t really eat more than ¼ of it (which is probably good, because I bet there was a LOT of bad stuff in that small cup of soup!)
I then faced my biggest temptation so far in my diet. I wanted cheese fries from Great Steak SOO bad. I was still hungry, and I knew that I would need to eat something else before the end of the night. I decided to walk for awhile instead, and wandered for another hour, window shopping. Finally, at about 7:45, I couldn’t take it anymore. With my current book in hand (Twilight… yes, I’ve fallen victim to that hideously popular book.. but it’s really interesting so far!), I made my way back to the food court… and BACK to Sensational Salads. Dun dun dun….
I got a bigger-than-life fruit bowl with watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe, kiwi, grapes, and a strawberry. It took a very long time to eat, because I was reading it and savoring the sweetness of the melon. Afterwards, I was STILL hungry, but didn’t feel the need to get anything else.
On the way home, I caved. My husband wanted a “Hot N’Ready” pizza from Little Caesars. I had ONE piece, and the smallest one at that. It was soo yummy, but I know that I’d have felt icky if I had eaten more. He didn’t have a problem – Mr. Fit-as-a-whistle Husband ate the rest of the pizza, along with ½ 2-liter of Mountain Dew. Then, with more caffeine in his system than I think I’VE had in years, we went to sleep; and slept like rocks.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
"Giving"
Two days in a row at 220 lbs. I’ve been eating better the past two days, and as a result, I gained back a lb L
Yesterday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Snack: handful of walnuts
Lunch: broccoli cheese soup
Snack: cottage cheese and applesauce
Dinner: black bean burger in a WW wrap with 1 egg, spinach, pickles (yes, I’m weird) peas and leftover brussels sprouts
I also had 2 cups of green tea, and a blueberry tea with a little honey before bed.
Our office has “free jeans days”. These come along when they are trying to raise money for SOMETHING. So no, they usually aren’t free – they should be called “bonus” jeans days instead. We wear jeans every Friday, but this Thursday was free because we’re trying to collect food for a nearby homeless shelter. If we bring a donation, we get to wear jeans. I came walzing in in my jeans, overflowing grocery bag in hand. Yesterday. I went all morning thinking it was Thursday, until someone mentioned that I’d get in trouble if I didn’t change! So I had to call Husband to bring office attire; and I took my food back until today. The worst part? I had to live through an unexpected Wednesday.
I have a problem with food drives that use competition as a way to spur on giving. Of course I DO think that it caused us to get more food than we would have otherwise, but not quality items. I guess I don’t have problems with the competition; I have problems with the competitors. This happened numerous times in high school, too – we end up with 10 flats of Aldi green beans and 30 cases of ramen noodles. Now, granted, this is better than NOTHING, but still, these people are looking for nutrition, variety, toiletries, etc. It should be about providing a good meal to someone, not the cheapest one we can find! Then people start saying “Ramens each count as one!”. Fine, until someone yells “Then each roll in that 24 roll toilet paper pack should count as one!” And then the more expensive items stop rolling in.
Luckily, I don’t give a hamsters bum – I have a mom that works in specialty foods, and pawns off high priced food all the time. I have been giving $7.99 soups, deluxe meat rubs, high quality pasta, etc. People are really impressed with my “generosity”… however I’ve been attempting to explain that it was all FREE, and I am a very simple person; I can’t imagine whipping up a batch of soup that costs $7.99 for two bowls. But I can imagine giving it to someone who needs it!
Yesterday:
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Snack: handful of walnuts
Lunch: broccoli cheese soup
Snack: cottage cheese and applesauce
Dinner: black bean burger in a WW wrap with 1 egg, spinach, pickles (yes, I’m weird) peas and leftover brussels sprouts
I also had 2 cups of green tea, and a blueberry tea with a little honey before bed.
Our office has “free jeans days”. These come along when they are trying to raise money for SOMETHING. So no, they usually aren’t free – they should be called “bonus” jeans days instead. We wear jeans every Friday, but this Thursday was free because we’re trying to collect food for a nearby homeless shelter. If we bring a donation, we get to wear jeans. I came walzing in in my jeans, overflowing grocery bag in hand. Yesterday. I went all morning thinking it was Thursday, until someone mentioned that I’d get in trouble if I didn’t change! So I had to call Husband to bring office attire; and I took my food back until today. The worst part? I had to live through an unexpected Wednesday.
I have a problem with food drives that use competition as a way to spur on giving. Of course I DO think that it caused us to get more food than we would have otherwise, but not quality items. I guess I don’t have problems with the competition; I have problems with the competitors. This happened numerous times in high school, too – we end up with 10 flats of Aldi green beans and 30 cases of ramen noodles. Now, granted, this is better than NOTHING, but still, these people are looking for nutrition, variety, toiletries, etc. It should be about providing a good meal to someone, not the cheapest one we can find! Then people start saying “Ramens each count as one!”. Fine, until someone yells “Then each roll in that 24 roll toilet paper pack should count as one!” And then the more expensive items stop rolling in.
Luckily, I don’t give a hamsters bum – I have a mom that works in specialty foods, and pawns off high priced food all the time. I have been giving $7.99 soups, deluxe meat rubs, high quality pasta, etc. People are really impressed with my “generosity”… however I’ve been attempting to explain that it was all FREE, and I am a very simple person; I can’t imagine whipping up a batch of soup that costs $7.99 for two bowls. But I can imagine giving it to someone who needs it!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Optimism
219 again. I ate a little better yesterday, but not much. I just didn’t want to cook.
Breakfast – cottage cheese and applesauce
Lunch – a few carrots and lima beans, yogurt
Dinner – some ribs my mom brought over, along with some Brussels sprouts
Snack – 2 oreos from the break room
I know I need to eat better, because I am punishing my body. My weight loss will stall and my metabolism will slow down; it’s just hard, because I don’t want to cook, and shop, and clean veggies, and make oatmeal – I want to lie in bed all day and cry. We’re still planning on going to China; I am really hoping that we are able to go in March. I feel like I’ve lost all hope in “us”, and I know that he has; but for me, marriage is not an option. And unhappy marriage is also not an option. I want to improve myself, and our relationship. I want us to love each other wholeheartedly again, and find joy in being together. I want there not to be rifts and gaps between us. But the trust? That’s a hard one. That’s a very hard one. And what do you do when your partner has simply become indifferent towards you? Not flinching when they deliver heart wrenching news, not blinking when you are sobbing, not touching you at all when all you need is to be held; it’s like his heart is gone. The sweet man I fell in love with has been replaced by this unfeeling THING that shows no emotions, no compassion. It’s hard to want to be in love with that man; and how do I go about getting that man to fall back into love with me? Is it hopeless? *sigh*
I have better diet plans today, hopefully. I still didn’t get up and make my oatmeal; but I have cottage cheese and applesauce for breakfast, along with a vitamin and a banana. I brought a lean cuisine and some carrots along for lunch. I plan on having an afternoon snack of leftover Brussels sprouts, along with some walnuts. Dinner will be something substantial; maybe some baked chicken and veggies, and a sweet potato. I owe it to my body and to myself to keep up on my quest for better health. I can’t give up simply because I’m sad.
One thing that made me crack a smile yesterday? I fit into a pair of my old size 18 jeans. That means I am VERY close to being able to shop at New York & Company again for pants – they often go up to an 18, but seem to run a little smaller than most. I am losing a lot of it in my belly, which is making all of my pants more comfortable. I can sit down without having my waistband cut into me. I really do think that the healthier and fitter I get, the happier I will be. And the happier and more confident I am, the more desirable I will become to Husband. Optimism, here I come.
Breakfast – cottage cheese and applesauce
Lunch – a few carrots and lima beans, yogurt
Dinner – some ribs my mom brought over, along with some Brussels sprouts
Snack – 2 oreos from the break room
I know I need to eat better, because I am punishing my body. My weight loss will stall and my metabolism will slow down; it’s just hard, because I don’t want to cook, and shop, and clean veggies, and make oatmeal – I want to lie in bed all day and cry. We’re still planning on going to China; I am really hoping that we are able to go in March. I feel like I’ve lost all hope in “us”, and I know that he has; but for me, marriage is not an option. And unhappy marriage is also not an option. I want to improve myself, and our relationship. I want us to love each other wholeheartedly again, and find joy in being together. I want there not to be rifts and gaps between us. But the trust? That’s a hard one. That’s a very hard one. And what do you do when your partner has simply become indifferent towards you? Not flinching when they deliver heart wrenching news, not blinking when you are sobbing, not touching you at all when all you need is to be held; it’s like his heart is gone. The sweet man I fell in love with has been replaced by this unfeeling THING that shows no emotions, no compassion. It’s hard to want to be in love with that man; and how do I go about getting that man to fall back into love with me? Is it hopeless? *sigh*
I have better diet plans today, hopefully. I still didn’t get up and make my oatmeal; but I have cottage cheese and applesauce for breakfast, along with a vitamin and a banana. I brought a lean cuisine and some carrots along for lunch. I plan on having an afternoon snack of leftover Brussels sprouts, along with some walnuts. Dinner will be something substantial; maybe some baked chicken and veggies, and a sweet potato. I owe it to my body and to myself to keep up on my quest for better health. I can’t give up simply because I’m sad.
One thing that made me crack a smile yesterday? I fit into a pair of my old size 18 jeans. That means I am VERY close to being able to shop at New York & Company again for pants – they often go up to an 18, but seem to run a little smaller than most. I am losing a lot of it in my belly, which is making all of my pants more comfortable. I can sit down without having my waistband cut into me. I really do think that the healthier and fitter I get, the happier I will be. And the happier and more confident I am, the more desirable I will become to Husband. Optimism, here I come.
Monday, November 17, 2008
My Heart Is Breaking.
Over the weekend I lost weight; but not in a healthy way. I had a looong weekend, and couldn’t bring myself to post anything. The Husband gave me some news that has absolutely shattered my life. I’m not ready to share, because I can’t bring myself to say it. I think eventually it will help to post it here, but not yet. I don’t have any friends or family I can turn to for comfort in this situation; but I can turn to God.
Because I didn’t eat much this weekend, I’m 219 lbs today. For once, I’m not happy with my weight loss. Or with anything. It’s like I was swallowed up by this terrible black hole. He won’t even look at me; every time someone has said so much as a “hello” this morning to me, I tear up and have to escape. And I don’t really see an end in sight. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. It took everything in me to drag myself out of bed this morning and get showered and dressed, then get in the car and ride in silence with him until we got to the office, where he dropped me off. I’m trying to meditate on two things. The first:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
The second:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,It is well, with my soul,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine, for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,The sky, not the grave, is our goal;Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,Even so, it is well with my soul.
Because I didn’t eat much this weekend, I’m 219 lbs today. For once, I’m not happy with my weight loss. Or with anything. It’s like I was swallowed up by this terrible black hole. He won’t even look at me; every time someone has said so much as a “hello” this morning to me, I tear up and have to escape. And I don’t really see an end in sight. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus. It took everything in me to drag myself out of bed this morning and get showered and dressed, then get in the car and ride in silence with him until we got to the office, where he dropped me off. I’m trying to meditate on two things. The first:
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
The second:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,It is well, with my soul,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine, for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,The sky, not the grave, is our goal;Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,Even so, it is well with my soul.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wedding Toast
221.5! Finally, a new number! I did awesome diet wise yesterday, so I was really encouraged to actually see it reflected on my scale today. I had a hard evening, lots of worrying and crying over my grandpa. Worry is my biggest weakness. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be that. I worry over everything. “Will we be able to pay rent? Will I get Crohns, like my mother? Will my grandparents pass away while I’m on the other side of the world”? And then there are the smaller worries, like “What if I don’t get this report done in time? Are we going to have time for laundry on Saturday? What if the mall closes, and Matthew isn’t out of work yet? Will security kick me out in the rain? Do I look fat to these people? Are people staring at me?” Seriously, it is all-consuming. I know that I need to simply put my faith in God, but it isn’t exactly “simple”. So that is a non-weight-loss goal I have. Put my faith in God and worry less. There are multiple Bible verses that, in a nutshell, say that same thing; but believing and putting into action are very different.
Anyway, here’s what yesterday looked like:
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch – wrap (turkey, laughing cow, hummus, a little red bean mixture from my beans and rice, and spinach), apple
Snack – carrots and PB
Dinner – a lean cuisine dinner, plus Brussels sprouts
Evening snack – handful of walnuts, diet hot cocoa
Today I got to the office at 6:00 am so that I can leave early to get to the hospital. Today’s memory is in honor of my grandpa.
Memory – My wedding. At the reception, people were making toasts. My grandpa gave one of the most moving toasts; I don’t remember all of the wording, but it was basically this:
“To a man and woman who are two of the best souls in the world. Matthew, you are lucky to have Amy. She has the kindest heart you will ever meet. My Amanda,” (that’s my full name) “you have always hung back and waited for grandpa. When we’re all walking somewhere, you’ll walk with me. Even when you were a small child, you made my heart burst.” (That sentence is word for word! And then the heartbreaker - ) “My hope is that you will always love Matthew as much as you have loved me”.
Anyway, here’s what yesterday looked like:
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch – wrap (turkey, laughing cow, hummus, a little red bean mixture from my beans and rice, and spinach), apple
Snack – carrots and PB
Dinner – a lean cuisine dinner, plus Brussels sprouts
Evening snack – handful of walnuts, diet hot cocoa
Today I got to the office at 6:00 am so that I can leave early to get to the hospital. Today’s memory is in honor of my grandpa.
Memory – My wedding. At the reception, people were making toasts. My grandpa gave one of the most moving toasts; I don’t remember all of the wording, but it was basically this:
“To a man and woman who are two of the best souls in the world. Matthew, you are lucky to have Amy. She has the kindest heart you will ever meet. My Amanda,” (that’s my full name) “you have always hung back and waited for grandpa. When we’re all walking somewhere, you’ll walk with me. Even when you were a small child, you made my heart burst.” (That sentence is word for word! And then the heartbreaker - ) “My hope is that you will always love Matthew as much as you have loved me”.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Grandpa's in the Hospital!
My grandpa (the one I talked about 2 posts ago) is in the hospital. I just got a call from my daddy... please pray! He went in for leg pain initially. He has diabetes and has had surgery on both legs to try to keep them. They aren't sure what's wrong, but when they put him in the MRI machine, he had a major panic attack. After a heart attack and 2 strokes, that is no good! Of course, my grandma and dad try to shield me from scary or sad things, so they didn't tell me that he's been there since tuesday! The nurses missed some of his heart medications yesterday and tuesday and his blood pressure spiked yesterday. Dad said the doctors weren't sure he was going to make it. Today he's doing better, but very emotional. The Husband is at work, so I can't go up there; but I plan on going up tomorrow as soon as I get out of work.
*sigh* I'm Grandpa's little girl. I don't know what I will do when we lose him. Or what my Grandmother will do. Please pray!
*sigh* I'm Grandpa's little girl. I don't know what I will do when we lose him. Or what my Grandmother will do. Please pray!
Winter Wonderland
Salt and pickles are my enemies; that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Yesterday I didn’t feel like sitting around the apartment all day. I decided to make it a “mall” evening. At 4:30, Husband dropped me off on his way to work. I was getting hungry, since I hadn’t had any dinner yet, but didn’t want a full meal yet. I went to Starbucks and got a banana/chocolate Vivanno. These are AMAZING! It has banana, a little chocolate sauce, ice, protein powder, and some other “I-don’t-know-what-elses”. They are suggested for the Weight Watchers diet according to my mother in law. I’m not on WW, but I figured it couldn’t be all bad then! I had that and started walking. I wandered for about 3 more hours, trying on clothes and smelling yummy lotions. At 7:30, I got a 6 inch Subway Club sandwich from Subway. It’s on the diet menu *wink* I added carrots, green peppers, spinach, and (eek!) pickles and salt. That is all I ate all night! I wandered for another hour, and then Husband picked me up. This morning, I weighed the same as yesterday morning. I was really hoping for a little loss; it was only about 1500 calorieds for the day, and I walked several laps around the whole mall. I’m of the belief that I’m “retaining water”. I guess we’ll have to see!
Yesterday’s menu:
Breakfast - oatmeal
Morning snack – ½ apple
Lunch – cup broccoli cheese soup
Afternoon snack – ½ apple, yogurt
Dinner – subway sub
Snack – Vivanno
Good memory of the day?
Trying on wedding dresses with my mom. I felt like an absolute princess, and everything seemed to fit perfectly; and when I found that perfect dress? PRICELESS. My dress was an absolute dream come true. It was a two-parter. The bottom part was a strapless dress with beading around the bodice and the bottom. Then, there was a lace over-garment that was long sleeved, and buttoned with pearls up the front. It was the same length as the dress. It was full of embroidery, beading, and all sorts of other perfect things. I had a January wedding, and we decorated with Christmas trees, white lights, and silver and blue bows. It was the perfect winter wedding, and my dress fit the feel of it to a T!
Yesterday I didn’t feel like sitting around the apartment all day. I decided to make it a “mall” evening. At 4:30, Husband dropped me off on his way to work. I was getting hungry, since I hadn’t had any dinner yet, but didn’t want a full meal yet. I went to Starbucks and got a banana/chocolate Vivanno. These are AMAZING! It has banana, a little chocolate sauce, ice, protein powder, and some other “I-don’t-know-what-elses”. They are suggested for the Weight Watchers diet according to my mother in law. I’m not on WW, but I figured it couldn’t be all bad then! I had that and started walking. I wandered for about 3 more hours, trying on clothes and smelling yummy lotions. At 7:30, I got a 6 inch Subway Club sandwich from Subway. It’s on the diet menu *wink* I added carrots, green peppers, spinach, and (eek!) pickles and salt. That is all I ate all night! I wandered for another hour, and then Husband picked me up. This morning, I weighed the same as yesterday morning. I was really hoping for a little loss; it was only about 1500 calorieds for the day, and I walked several laps around the whole mall. I’m of the belief that I’m “retaining water”. I guess we’ll have to see!
Yesterday’s menu:
Breakfast - oatmeal
Morning snack – ½ apple
Lunch – cup broccoli cheese soup
Afternoon snack – ½ apple, yogurt
Dinner – subway sub
Snack – Vivanno
Good memory of the day?
Trying on wedding dresses with my mom. I felt like an absolute princess, and everything seemed to fit perfectly; and when I found that perfect dress? PRICELESS. My dress was an absolute dream come true. It was a two-parter. The bottom part was a strapless dress with beading around the bodice and the bottom. Then, there was a lace over-garment that was long sleeved, and buttoned with pearls up the front. It was the same length as the dress. It was full of embroidery, beading, and all sorts of other perfect things. I had a January wedding, and we decorated with Christmas trees, white lights, and silver and blue bows. It was the perfect winter wedding, and my dress fit the feel of it to a T!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Shame
Have you ever been ashamed of being seen with someone in public? This is something that has weighed heavy on my heart the past few months. I’ve joined the wonderful world of “Facebook”, and found many old friends and acquaintances recently that I haven’t spoken to in quite some time. A couple of the girls I’ve found are girls I was best friends with in middle school. I wasn’t very popular in elementary school, but I thought I could change that in 6th grade. What ended up happening, though, is that I ended up one of many in a group of “losers” (yes, harsh, but that’s what the rest of my class considered us). While I found a few very good friends, we were all the outcasts; I was a cutter; when I was upset, I would cut or scratch my arms. It didn’t make sense; it still doesn’t. But I did it, and because of it, I always wore long sleeves. It didn’t matter what time of year; I was the girl with long sleeves. I didn’t have cool clothes, and was really chubby. Some of my friends had pretty poor hygiene; others were just not stylish, and awkward around people. We made a weird little gang, but we worked. I think every one of us was embarrassed to be friends with the rest in the group; but all of us knew that loser friends were better than having no friends at all. As I progressed through school, I cut less, and started getting thinner. I started learning the “cool” ways to dress. I started to distance myself from most of my friends as I made friends with those who were “a tier” up the social ladder from them. My two very best friends aided me in this; one, Kristin, has been my best friend since we could walk. She is quiet, but studious and friendly, and everyone liked her. The other, Helen, started out low because she immigrated to the US from Romania when she was a child and was really shy and “different” in elementary school, As she became more Americanized, she started getting involved in art and sports, and became my “in” with the cool kids. By high school, I was one of those “middle-of-the-road” people. I wasn’t friends at all with those other friends, besides Kristin and Helen. I completely dropped them, and they all split into different groups; the studious group, the gothic group, the emo group, etc.
I was looking through old pictures yesterday and found pictures from my 7th grade birthday party. Me and all my awkward friends had a sleepover; we have picture after picture of us laughing, smiling, and having a good time. It tears me apart inside that I was such a cold person. What is it about human nature that makes us indifferent towards other people’s feelings sometimes? That makes us so concerned about what others think of us, that we’re willing to throw friendships away for appearances? I found some of those friends, and we’ve started to share how our lives have changed, who has babies, who graduated college, who’s working where, who’s married. But we haven’t talked about the elephant in the room; about how our friendships were based on a simple desire to have friends, and that any of us would have traded each other in given the chance, for a “shiny new friend”.
Yesterday’s menu:
Breakfast: oatmeal with ½ banana, natural PB, flax meal, wheat germ, and some honey
Lunch: Bear Creek Broccoli Cheese soup with some real broccoli mixed in that I steamed at home
Afternoon snack: yogurt and an apple
Dinner: rice and beans. Red kidney beans, onion, garlic, celery, spices… all simmered for about 3 hours until creamy, then ladled over a little white rice (should have been brown, but we were out).
Snack: Yes, I caved again. Cheese. But just a little wedge! Plus 2 slices deli ham and 1 WW tortilla instead of chips. Still shouldn’ta done it, but at the time, my cravings got the best of me. My mindset was “there’s only this little bit of cheese left; I’ll just finish it, so it’ll be out of the kitchen”.
222.5 lbs. This is so frustrating! I WILL be 221 by Friday. I don’t want to not have any weight loss this week! I know I need to exercise – that will jump start my numbers; but I’m just so lazy. And it’s cold, and it’s been rainy for a few days straight. I did some push-ups and situps yesterday, maybe today I’ll see if there’s space enough anywhere in my apartment to do one of my workout videos. I doubt there’s room. I can improvise, though!
Oh, time for a GOOD memory:
Being at the lake the summer after 11th grade. I went to visit my grandparents, who stay in a mobile home on a small lake every summer. I went up in short cut-off shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top. I went in, and my grandma’s jaw just about dropped (and not because I was wearing so little clothes). My grandma came up to me, pinched my butt, and patted my hips. She told me that I looked just like she always wanted to look when she was a teenager. She didn’t specifically state that I looked thin, or that I looked pretty, just that I was “exactly how she would have liked to look”. How awesome of a complement is that? Someone had DREAMED of looking like me! And most of all, it was My Grandma T! She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She’s kind, witty, and hard-working. She is a wonderful wife. She cooks like a pro, and her home is always spotless. She raised 4 children while working at a bank, and still managed to make time to sew, quilt, knit, cook, clean, and host gathering after gathering. My grandfather’s health has been ailing for years, and she LIVES for that man. She brings him to monthly check-ups, and to his UAW union meetings. She cooks exactly what he needs for his diabetic diet, and takes care of every need or want he ever has; and he adores her. My mom says I remind her a lot of my grandma T (who is my paternal grandmother). To me, that is the best compliment I could ever get; even better than the one my grandma gave!
I was looking through old pictures yesterday and found pictures from my 7th grade birthday party. Me and all my awkward friends had a sleepover; we have picture after picture of us laughing, smiling, and having a good time. It tears me apart inside that I was such a cold person. What is it about human nature that makes us indifferent towards other people’s feelings sometimes? That makes us so concerned about what others think of us, that we’re willing to throw friendships away for appearances? I found some of those friends, and we’ve started to share how our lives have changed, who has babies, who graduated college, who’s working where, who’s married. But we haven’t talked about the elephant in the room; about how our friendships were based on a simple desire to have friends, and that any of us would have traded each other in given the chance, for a “shiny new friend”.
Yesterday’s menu:
Breakfast: oatmeal with ½ banana, natural PB, flax meal, wheat germ, and some honey
Lunch: Bear Creek Broccoli Cheese soup with some real broccoli mixed in that I steamed at home
Afternoon snack: yogurt and an apple
Dinner: rice and beans. Red kidney beans, onion, garlic, celery, spices… all simmered for about 3 hours until creamy, then ladled over a little white rice (should have been brown, but we were out).
Snack: Yes, I caved again. Cheese. But just a little wedge! Plus 2 slices deli ham and 1 WW tortilla instead of chips. Still shouldn’ta done it, but at the time, my cravings got the best of me. My mindset was “there’s only this little bit of cheese left; I’ll just finish it, so it’ll be out of the kitchen”.
222.5 lbs. This is so frustrating! I WILL be 221 by Friday. I don’t want to not have any weight loss this week! I know I need to exercise – that will jump start my numbers; but I’m just so lazy. And it’s cold, and it’s been rainy for a few days straight. I did some push-ups and situps yesterday, maybe today I’ll see if there’s space enough anywhere in my apartment to do one of my workout videos. I doubt there’s room. I can improvise, though!
Oh, time for a GOOD memory:
Being at the lake the summer after 11th grade. I went to visit my grandparents, who stay in a mobile home on a small lake every summer. I went up in short cut-off shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top. I went in, and my grandma’s jaw just about dropped (and not because I was wearing so little clothes). My grandma came up to me, pinched my butt, and patted my hips. She told me that I looked just like she always wanted to look when she was a teenager. She didn’t specifically state that I looked thin, or that I looked pretty, just that I was “exactly how she would have liked to look”. How awesome of a complement is that? Someone had DREAMED of looking like me! And most of all, it was My Grandma T! She is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She’s kind, witty, and hard-working. She is a wonderful wife. She cooks like a pro, and her home is always spotless. She raised 4 children while working at a bank, and still managed to make time to sew, quilt, knit, cook, clean, and host gathering after gathering. My grandfather’s health has been ailing for years, and she LIVES for that man. She brings him to monthly check-ups, and to his UAW union meetings. She cooks exactly what he needs for his diabetic diet, and takes care of every need or want he ever has; and he adores her. My mom says I remind her a lot of my grandma T (who is my paternal grandmother). To me, that is the best compliment I could ever get; even better than the one my grandma gave!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Trek 2000
223 lbs. I am so annoyed with myself for my weekend splurges; if I hadn’t, maybe I’d be 221 now! But anyway, ½ lb down from yesterday.
Yesterday was a good diet day.
Breakfast: Oatmeal with ½ banana and some natural PB
Morning snack: apple
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (Butternut squash ravioli with veggies)
Afternoon snack: carrots, green beans, and hummus
Dinner: omelette with 1 leftover turkey sausage, chopped, spinach, and a laughing cow. ½ grapefruit, some lima beans
I meant to eat an evening snack, but got busy and forgot. I was a little low in my calories yesterday, which isn’t a good thing!
I’ve found myself thinking nonstop about China lately. My husband and I are still planning on going; I think getting away from the stress of work/school here in the states will do our relationship some good. He’s a free soul; he loves traveling, and is his happiest when he has a trip to look forward to or look back on. I think it will help me too; I’m such a worrier, and a planner. The culture in China is completely different from here, and I’ll be put in situations where I can’t plan, and where I have to learn that improvising is okay.
Our money is due by December 20th. We’re still not sure whether we’ll have it on time or not; only time will tell! We have family members that have pledged money, in lieu of “Christmas gifts”, but it’s hard to plan when you don’t know how much to expect. I’ll just have to keep praying, and if we don’t get it in time, then we’ll bump plans to September, and we’ll just have to be patient!
Memory of the day: Trek 2000. In high school, our youth group went on a hiking trip in the little Smokies. I was an entering freshman. There was quite a mix in our group, with equal girls and guys. We packed up and drove to Ohio for a week, where we were outfitted with packs, tents, food, stoves, etc. The trip was 40 miles. We busted our butts and pushed ourselves farther than I ever thought we could. Every night, we would find camp and pitch our tents, then sit around a fire and cook dinner. We were absolutely exhausted each day. We would either sit around and sing praise songs, or just collapse into our sleeping bags at the end of the night. I felt STRETCHED. I felt like I was seeing what my body could really do. Sure, they weren’t the Porcupine Mountains, or the Rockies, but we had some decent sized climbs, and some pretty tough terrain for beginners. It wasn’t about looking good. After day 1, we didn’t get a shower. After day 3, my hair was permanently in a long braid with a handkerchief wrapped around it. I wore the same 2 shirts, 1 pair of shorts, and 1 pair of pants all week. No makeup – no jewelry. I felt no need to “impress the boys”. I was honestly completely focused on seeing what the potential God had given me physically, and seeing what God could teach me through the trip.
We stopped at a ridge overlooking some of the mountains, and took a lunch break. I remember perching my pack right at the edge, taking out my apple and energy bar, and just singing quietly while looking at the mountains. There is something about nature that connects me to God in a way that nothing else can. There were no phone lines, no buildings. No trash on the path, no construction sounds echoing. Only birds, wind in the trees, and a soft voice praising God. I felt good about myself. I felt good about what God was DOING in me. I felt strong, capable, and willing to push myself. And I did.
Yesterday was a good diet day.
Breakfast: Oatmeal with ½ banana and some natural PB
Morning snack: apple
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (Butternut squash ravioli with veggies)
Afternoon snack: carrots, green beans, and hummus
Dinner: omelette with 1 leftover turkey sausage, chopped, spinach, and a laughing cow. ½ grapefruit, some lima beans
I meant to eat an evening snack, but got busy and forgot. I was a little low in my calories yesterday, which isn’t a good thing!
I’ve found myself thinking nonstop about China lately. My husband and I are still planning on going; I think getting away from the stress of work/school here in the states will do our relationship some good. He’s a free soul; he loves traveling, and is his happiest when he has a trip to look forward to or look back on. I think it will help me too; I’m such a worrier, and a planner. The culture in China is completely different from here, and I’ll be put in situations where I can’t plan, and where I have to learn that improvising is okay.
Our money is due by December 20th. We’re still not sure whether we’ll have it on time or not; only time will tell! We have family members that have pledged money, in lieu of “Christmas gifts”, but it’s hard to plan when you don’t know how much to expect. I’ll just have to keep praying, and if we don’t get it in time, then we’ll bump plans to September, and we’ll just have to be patient!
Memory of the day: Trek 2000. In high school, our youth group went on a hiking trip in the little Smokies. I was an entering freshman. There was quite a mix in our group, with equal girls and guys. We packed up and drove to Ohio for a week, where we were outfitted with packs, tents, food, stoves, etc. The trip was 40 miles. We busted our butts and pushed ourselves farther than I ever thought we could. Every night, we would find camp and pitch our tents, then sit around a fire and cook dinner. We were absolutely exhausted each day. We would either sit around and sing praise songs, or just collapse into our sleeping bags at the end of the night. I felt STRETCHED. I felt like I was seeing what my body could really do. Sure, they weren’t the Porcupine Mountains, or the Rockies, but we had some decent sized climbs, and some pretty tough terrain for beginners. It wasn’t about looking good. After day 1, we didn’t get a shower. After day 3, my hair was permanently in a long braid with a handkerchief wrapped around it. I wore the same 2 shirts, 1 pair of shorts, and 1 pair of pants all week. No makeup – no jewelry. I felt no need to “impress the boys”. I was honestly completely focused on seeing what the potential God had given me physically, and seeing what God could teach me through the trip.
We stopped at a ridge overlooking some of the mountains, and took a lunch break. I remember perching my pack right at the edge, taking out my apple and energy bar, and just singing quietly while looking at the mountains. There is something about nature that connects me to God in a way that nothing else can. There were no phone lines, no buildings. No trash on the path, no construction sounds echoing. Only birds, wind in the trees, and a soft voice praising God. I felt good about myself. I felt good about what God was DOING in me. I felt strong, capable, and willing to push myself. And I did.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Guys and Dolls
Sometimes I just wish there were a magic pill we could all take instead of food. All our nutrition, everything we need to feel perfectly fulfilled; not too full, not too hungry. Of course it would HAVE to magically satiate our desire for chewing, flavor, and chocolate melting in our mouths. Eating stinks. We struggle with it, try to eat well, try to eat the right amount; but when it’s a weakness, we can’t run from it. We can’t just quit doing it, or we’ll die. Sometimes I wish God had made eating much less enjoyable. I want all food to just taste “fine.” Good enough that I’d be willing to eat enough of it to be well-nourished, but not anything to get excited about, or look forward to.
What am I leading up to? I’m back up 1.5 pounds from Friday. I didn’t do great this weekend; I had some McDonalds, had a sugar cookie and chocolate marshmallow pinwheel, had popcorn at the movies (although I didn’t add butter) and had LOTS of crackers and cheese. Crackers and cheese are my downfall. I’ve been slowly whittling down a block of 5 year old extra-sharp white cheddar cheese I got in Frankenmuth several weeks ago. Well, the whittling sped up this weekend. I’m fine when I cut my portion off, and count out my 7 triscuits or 11 big wheat thins – but when I sit in front of the TV with the whole box of crackers and the block of cheese, I’m in trouble! I didn’t do all bad this weekend, though; one night I had a blackbean burger for dinner with a nice salad and some baby lima beans. Another night I made us some yummy omelets with 1 egg +2 whites each, with spinach and a little feta. We also had English muffins (I only had half of one) and some turkey sausage links (I only had 2). But all in all, I can see why I gained, and I need to be more focused on losing.
Memory of the day: Guys and Dolls. This is the musical my school did for my senior year. I had been in the musicals all 3 previous years, but never got main part, because I was too shy to audition. Senior year, I jumped out on a limb; I was in good shape, I looked like a leading lady. Not to chubby, not too thin (sounds shallow, but chubby girls simply did not get leads in my school!). I auditioned and the new director looked bored to death. When I got home, I received a call from the restaurant I had just interviewed at; I got a waitressing job 4 nights a week. I needed a job really badly, because I was planning on attending a private Christian college the following fall, and really needed money. I eagerly accepted. The next day, I went to the drama director’s office to let him know I wouldn’t be in the musical that year, since rehearsals were 3 nights a week, and I’d be working. When I told him, his eyes widened, and he sputtered out words I will never forget –
“But you were going to be Sarah Brown!”
It took only about 2 seconds for me to burst into tears. I hadn’t started my job yet, and a million thoughts were flying through my head. Should I quit? I just got the LEAD in my school musical, something I had always dreamed of! After about 30 good seconds of sobbing and waving off his feeble attempts to calm me down, I muttered that I simply couldn’t do it, and I ran out of the room into the girl’s bathroom, where I bawled for almost an hour (and skipped my AP Psych class).
Why is this a GOOD memory? Well, I suppose it’s mixed. I have always regretting not quitting that job and taking the spot in the musical. I could have found another job; but the experience would have been a memory that would last forever. I made my choice, though, and I felt responsible. It felt good to know that I was GOOD enough. All those years, I saw the other girls as soo much more talented, and prettier than me. That year, at least I knew that my talent had been enough. I will never forget that moment when Mr. Director Man muttered those words. I’ve replayed it in my mind, in different situations. I’ve pictured myself caving and taking the role. I’ve pictured myself waiting, and seeing my name posted on the cast list. But they are just dreams.
I ended up going to see the musical when they were finished; my friends had bit parts in it. I watched Molly playing Sarah Brown, and teared up in a few spots when I pictured myself up there on the stage; but she did well, and I had money in my pockets for school. Waitressing brought me out of my shy shell, and taught me DIFFERENT life lessons.
What am I leading up to? I’m back up 1.5 pounds from Friday. I didn’t do great this weekend; I had some McDonalds, had a sugar cookie and chocolate marshmallow pinwheel, had popcorn at the movies (although I didn’t add butter) and had LOTS of crackers and cheese. Crackers and cheese are my downfall. I’ve been slowly whittling down a block of 5 year old extra-sharp white cheddar cheese I got in Frankenmuth several weeks ago. Well, the whittling sped up this weekend. I’m fine when I cut my portion off, and count out my 7 triscuits or 11 big wheat thins – but when I sit in front of the TV with the whole box of crackers and the block of cheese, I’m in trouble! I didn’t do all bad this weekend, though; one night I had a blackbean burger for dinner with a nice salad and some baby lima beans. Another night I made us some yummy omelets with 1 egg +2 whites each, with spinach and a little feta. We also had English muffins (I only had half of one) and some turkey sausage links (I only had 2). But all in all, I can see why I gained, and I need to be more focused on losing.
Memory of the day: Guys and Dolls. This is the musical my school did for my senior year. I had been in the musicals all 3 previous years, but never got main part, because I was too shy to audition. Senior year, I jumped out on a limb; I was in good shape, I looked like a leading lady. Not to chubby, not too thin (sounds shallow, but chubby girls simply did not get leads in my school!). I auditioned and the new director looked bored to death. When I got home, I received a call from the restaurant I had just interviewed at; I got a waitressing job 4 nights a week. I needed a job really badly, because I was planning on attending a private Christian college the following fall, and really needed money. I eagerly accepted. The next day, I went to the drama director’s office to let him know I wouldn’t be in the musical that year, since rehearsals were 3 nights a week, and I’d be working. When I told him, his eyes widened, and he sputtered out words I will never forget –
“But you were going to be Sarah Brown!”
It took only about 2 seconds for me to burst into tears. I hadn’t started my job yet, and a million thoughts were flying through my head. Should I quit? I just got the LEAD in my school musical, something I had always dreamed of! After about 30 good seconds of sobbing and waving off his feeble attempts to calm me down, I muttered that I simply couldn’t do it, and I ran out of the room into the girl’s bathroom, where I bawled for almost an hour (and skipped my AP Psych class).
Why is this a GOOD memory? Well, I suppose it’s mixed. I have always regretting not quitting that job and taking the spot in the musical. I could have found another job; but the experience would have been a memory that would last forever. I made my choice, though, and I felt responsible. It felt good to know that I was GOOD enough. All those years, I saw the other girls as soo much more talented, and prettier than me. That year, at least I knew that my talent had been enough. I will never forget that moment when Mr. Director Man muttered those words. I’ve replayed it in my mind, in different situations. I’ve pictured myself caving and taking the role. I’ve pictured myself waiting, and seeing my name posted on the cast list. But they are just dreams.
I ended up going to see the musical when they were finished; my friends had bit parts in it. I watched Molly playing Sarah Brown, and teared up in a few spots when I pictured myself up there on the stage; but she did well, and I had money in my pockets for school. Waitressing brought me out of my shy shell, and taught me DIFFERENT life lessons.
Friday, November 7, 2008
ValueLand
222 lbs. Yay!
I did awesome on the diet front yesterday.
Breakfast: pumpkin oatmeal. It was fabulous! I put some canned pumpkin, soy milk, flax seed, and pumkin pie spice in there, along with a packet of splenda. And it kept me very full!
Lunch: broccoli, carrots, yogurt
Dinner: black bean burger on WW English muffin with spinach, cheese, and pickles. A bowl o’veggies with broccoli, corn, and baby lima beans.
Snacks throughout the day: 1 boiled egg, low fat string cheese, laughing cow cheese and triscuits, 2 slices deli ham
I’m feeling good. I am starting to see change, because I think it’s all coming out of my tummy fat!
Feel good memory of the day:
Shopping at Valueland with my girls. Sophmore year, me and my 2 best friends went shopping at a thrift store. We brought along a camera, and decided to try on the ugliest outfits imaginable, and take our pictures in them. Why is this a good memory, might you ask? I have a good answer for that!
I fit into tons of stuff off the rack. It is SO hard for me to thrift shop now, because there aren’t many “secret finds” when you’re a size 20. When you’re a 10 or 12, though, it’s a lot easier. I was grabbing armfuls of hideous stuff and it all fit, even if it looked bad. We laughed and giggled all afternoon, and actually ended up buying several things there.
I was flipping through channels yesterday afternoon as I folded laundry, and what I saw on Ellen stopped me in my tracks. A hologram. That’s right, folks. Apparently one of the news programs following the election on 11/4 had a HOLOGRAM on the show that they interviewed. Is this the future? ZANY!!
Today is Barnes and Noble day. Every Friday, my husband drops me off at the bookstore before he goes to work, and I wander for the 5 hours he’s as UPS. I read all my silly tabloid magazines (so that I don’t buy them at the store!) and I flip through nutrition and diet books. I have done this for months, and only recently put my diet knowledge to good use! This is going to be a challenge, though. I sit in the café to read my stuff. Usually, I get a large iced chai, and maybe a brownie or big sugar cookie. Then I’ll go back up and get a pop and a pack of peanuts. And I can’t do that. My goal today is to bring something to much on from home, and buy hot tea; or some other low calorie drink I can sip. I don’t need that junk in me anymore. And I munched so absentmindedly that I didn’t enjoy it anyway!
I did awesome on the diet front yesterday.
Breakfast: pumpkin oatmeal. It was fabulous! I put some canned pumpkin, soy milk, flax seed, and pumkin pie spice in there, along with a packet of splenda. And it kept me very full!
Lunch: broccoli, carrots, yogurt
Dinner: black bean burger on WW English muffin with spinach, cheese, and pickles. A bowl o’veggies with broccoli, corn, and baby lima beans.
Snacks throughout the day: 1 boiled egg, low fat string cheese, laughing cow cheese and triscuits, 2 slices deli ham
I’m feeling good. I am starting to see change, because I think it’s all coming out of my tummy fat!
Feel good memory of the day:
Shopping at Valueland with my girls. Sophmore year, me and my 2 best friends went shopping at a thrift store. We brought along a camera, and decided to try on the ugliest outfits imaginable, and take our pictures in them. Why is this a good memory, might you ask? I have a good answer for that!
I fit into tons of stuff off the rack. It is SO hard for me to thrift shop now, because there aren’t many “secret finds” when you’re a size 20. When you’re a 10 or 12, though, it’s a lot easier. I was grabbing armfuls of hideous stuff and it all fit, even if it looked bad. We laughed and giggled all afternoon, and actually ended up buying several things there.
I was flipping through channels yesterday afternoon as I folded laundry, and what I saw on Ellen stopped me in my tracks. A hologram. That’s right, folks. Apparently one of the news programs following the election on 11/4 had a HOLOGRAM on the show that they interviewed. Is this the future? ZANY!!
Today is Barnes and Noble day. Every Friday, my husband drops me off at the bookstore before he goes to work, and I wander for the 5 hours he’s as UPS. I read all my silly tabloid magazines (so that I don’t buy them at the store!) and I flip through nutrition and diet books. I have done this for months, and only recently put my diet knowledge to good use! This is going to be a challenge, though. I sit in the café to read my stuff. Usually, I get a large iced chai, and maybe a brownie or big sugar cookie. Then I’ll go back up and get a pop and a pack of peanuts. And I can’t do that. My goal today is to bring something to much on from home, and buy hot tea; or some other low calorie drink I can sip. I don’t need that junk in me anymore. And I munched so absentmindedly that I didn’t enjoy it anyway!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Cruise
Imagine this: A hot bubble bath, a laptop sitting atop the toilet seat playing last week’s episode of “Bones”, a mug of hot tea, and a bowl of frozen grapes. That’s right, this was my evening yesterday. I needed a good soak in the tub, and had never thought of watching a show on the laptop before! It was fabulous, even if it was my little cramped apartment tub.
I did alright yesterday, but not great –
Breakfast: terrible oats. I was craving chocolate, and thought I’d add some cocoa and honey to my oats. Ended up tasting like retarded coco wheats.
Lunch: 2 bowls of Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden (it was free refills… not a good idea), a small salad, 2 breadsticks (shame on me!)
Dinner: Feta/spinach chicken sausage tossed with whole wheat pasta, olive oil, steamed spinach, and feta cheese. Wasn’t crazy about all the feta.
Snacks – boiled egg, grapefruit
Yeah, back down to 223 lbs today. I just wanna see 222 SO BAD!!
Today I was in the office at 5:30 AM. I’m exhausted, and I’m sure my lack of sleep isn’t helping the weight loss. We’ll see how today goes; I have to leave at 1:30 for a follow up appointment on my TB test.
Today’s funny quote of the day:
Amy: Can you go bring your porcupine inside? It’s going to rain.
Husband: You mean my cactus?
Amy: Yeah.
I want to start sharing a good memory of my life before I was heavy on each post, so that when I have a hard day, I have to reflect on a reason that I’m doing this.
Memory of the day: The family cruise right before my 17th birthday. We went for my grandma and grandpa’s 50th anniversary. My mom, sister, and I tanned for a month beforehand, and went shopping for new bathing suits. I was in the best shape of my life, although I still usually felt fat compared to my sister. I was a size 10 (oooooh I want to be a size 10 again!). My body was always pretty… voluptuous. While my upper half was a size or two smaller, my hips and backside were more generous. Anyway, enough of the back story. The actual memory is of my sister and I swimming out to a rock about 20 feet out on the beach in the Bahamas. We climbed up on this huge rock, and modeled for my mom… in our bikinis! Mom snapped pictures while we did everything under the sun. I struck pose after pose, and felt like a real supermodel. I saw those pictures last week and was amazed at how great I looked; sure, part of it was my weight. But I think that more so it’s my confidence that is shining through. There is a huge smile on my face, and an “I don’t care what my tummy looks like, I’m gonna rock the body I’ve got” attitude. I was able to enjoy the sun, the breeze, and the salty air. Most of all, I was able to feel freedom from my prison I’ve always kept myself in. I think I went that whole day without thinking about how I looked. My hair was braided in corn rows, I ran around in flip flops and a coverup, and I had no makeup on. I had sunglasses and a shell necklace. I felt more beautiful than I ever had before.
*Amy tips her glass* Here’s to feeling that feeling again!!!
I did alright yesterday, but not great –
Breakfast: terrible oats. I was craving chocolate, and thought I’d add some cocoa and honey to my oats. Ended up tasting like retarded coco wheats.
Lunch: 2 bowls of Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden (it was free refills… not a good idea), a small salad, 2 breadsticks (shame on me!)
Dinner: Feta/spinach chicken sausage tossed with whole wheat pasta, olive oil, steamed spinach, and feta cheese. Wasn’t crazy about all the feta.
Snacks – boiled egg, grapefruit
Yeah, back down to 223 lbs today. I just wanna see 222 SO BAD!!
Today I was in the office at 5:30 AM. I’m exhausted, and I’m sure my lack of sleep isn’t helping the weight loss. We’ll see how today goes; I have to leave at 1:30 for a follow up appointment on my TB test.
Today’s funny quote of the day:
Amy: Can you go bring your porcupine inside? It’s going to rain.
Husband: You mean my cactus?
Amy: Yeah.
I want to start sharing a good memory of my life before I was heavy on each post, so that when I have a hard day, I have to reflect on a reason that I’m doing this.
Memory of the day: The family cruise right before my 17th birthday. We went for my grandma and grandpa’s 50th anniversary. My mom, sister, and I tanned for a month beforehand, and went shopping for new bathing suits. I was in the best shape of my life, although I still usually felt fat compared to my sister. I was a size 10 (oooooh I want to be a size 10 again!). My body was always pretty… voluptuous. While my upper half was a size or two smaller, my hips and backside were more generous. Anyway, enough of the back story. The actual memory is of my sister and I swimming out to a rock about 20 feet out on the beach in the Bahamas. We climbed up on this huge rock, and modeled for my mom… in our bikinis! Mom snapped pictures while we did everything under the sun. I struck pose after pose, and felt like a real supermodel. I saw those pictures last week and was amazed at how great I looked; sure, part of it was my weight. But I think that more so it’s my confidence that is shining through. There is a huge smile on my face, and an “I don’t care what my tummy looks like, I’m gonna rock the body I’ve got” attitude. I was able to enjoy the sun, the breeze, and the salty air. Most of all, I was able to feel freedom from my prison I’ve always kept myself in. I think I went that whole day without thinking about how I looked. My hair was braided in corn rows, I ran around in flip flops and a coverup, and I had no makeup on. I had sunglasses and a shell necklace. I felt more beautiful than I ever had before.
*Amy tips her glass* Here’s to feeling that feeling again!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Whine, Groan, Whimper.
Feeling like I just got hit by a truck. Scratch that, run over by a train. Yes, my “female time” has started. What does that mean? That means terrible pain, terrible cravings for chocolate, and terrible bloating. This morning I was 224 lbs – a pound up from yesterday. I KNOW it’s due to my period though, because I ate fantastically.
Yesterday:
Breakfast – oatmeal (1/2 banana, some applesauce, and cinnamon)
Lunch – whole wheat wrap with turkey, green beans, spinach, hummus, and laughing cow
Dinner – roasted zucchini, summer squash, Brussels sprouts. 2 boiled eggs, and ½ whole wheat English muffin with a little peanut butter
Snacks – light n’fit yogurt, frozen grapes, some wheat thins
Yesterday I was a busy bee. I worked 6 hours, then we went to the doctor. I had a physical, and got (EEEK) poked twice. Once for a TB shot, and once to have my blood drawn for an HIV test. Let’s hope I’m safe, my husband was bit by a monkey in Africa 5 years ago, and never got tested! (yeah, just found that out.. I knew the monkey bite part, but not the “never got tested” part).
After whining and whimpering, it was off to the polls. I did my civic duty, and voted for the candidate I thought best. I did make a mistake, though… I accidentally filled in the bubble for the OTHER guy!!! I don’t know how I did it, and I was so embarrassed when I had to go up and ask for a new ballot.
“Why do you need a new one?”
“I.. uh… I messed up”
“What do you mean?”
“I accidentally colored (insert name here)’s bubble.”
So not only did I make a mistake, now the whole precinct heard who I was GOING to vote for. Luckily, I didn’t get jumped on the way out. After stopping at Burger King for the husband (I only got a diet coke and ate 1 of his fries) I went home and took a nap, then did dishes, laundry, scrubbing, etc.
Today, I don’t have much of a plan, aside from writhing in pain and working extra hours to make up for my appointment, and my follow-up appointment on Tuesday (seriously, can’t they just tell me what to watch for with my TB test?! J ) I do have a lunch date, though, with two coworkers – we’re going to Olive Garden for soup and salad. Tonight, I think I’ll eat something really easy, and climb into a hot lavender scented bubble bath. That always does the trick.
One more funny conversation:
Amy: My husband is 24! In 3 months, I WILL BE! Wow. I'm getting old.
Millie: YOU are getting OLD?
Amy: Yes. I can feel the wrinkles coming on.
Millie: Girl, I have SHOES older than you.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Life of a Wannabe Tennis Star
223 LBS. Better number than yesterday morning, but I’ve gotta crack this number!!
I’ve thought about it, and setting a goal of 200 lbs by the end of the month is a bit ridiculous. I’ve changed my goal to 215 lbs. This is still 8 lbs, which will take work, but it’s achievable, and I think I’ll still scoot into some old pants if I lose that!!
Yesterday dinner plans changed… again. I’ve been going out too much! My mom brought my sister and I out to eat at Arnies (yes, we were the only people under 65 there!). I got half a turkey Panini and French onion soup. I ate all of the sandwich, and half the soup (minus the glob of cheese on top). It was fabulous!!
Today is election day. I see a lot of sitting in front of the television in my immediate future. Last election I was GLUED to the stupid thing! I have to work until 1:00, then a physical for our Chinese work visas, then doin’ the civic duty thing, then probably just going home and doing some cleaning and laundry.
I want to play tennis again. I never played sports in middle school. I tried out for basketball once, but couldn’t do a lay up, and got axed. Freshman year, I heard about the tennis team. The most INTERESTING thing I heard was that there were NO CUTS!! I immediately joined. I ran a mile every day, did suicides, and got in great shape! Sprinting, swinging, and stopping really fast will do that to you. I was down to about 143 lbs, and it was a very muscular 143. On my 5’7 body, that meant I was actually normal! I wore a size medium uniform; my skirt was oh-so-cute too. I felt so much pride when I would have an away game and we’d all wear our uniforms to school. I’d strut around, all the while thinking “I’m an athlete”.
I was no good that year. I had two left feet and terrible hand-eye coordination. I played alternate, meaning my matches didn’t count towards the team score. But I still loved it! Our team was the worst in the whole conference. We hadn’t won a single match against another school in 3 years. My sophomore year, we won one. My junior year, I actually started playing on the team. I was a member of our 3rd flight doubles team; I started getting good, and smashed the ball like a pro! We even won about half of our matches. It was amazing!
My fondest memories of school involve tennis. On tournament days, we’d all meet at school and pile on the bus in our uniforms, warm-up suits, and sweatshirts. We’d have coolers with our breakfast and lunch in them, and canteens of water. We’d drive to the host school, pile out, and warm up. Then we’d split into our flights and start the matches! One tournament I was at, we had 3 matches. Each time we won one, we progressed. The first match was only 1.5 hours long. It was a cool, comfortable morning. After 30 minutes of rest, we started match #2 – and it was about 75 degrees. We played for 3 hours, and were exhausted at the end, but at least we had won! We rested for another 30 minutes, and then competed for the gold. The match was almost 4 hours long. We were absolutely beat. The match dragged on, and we were in a tie breaker for almost an hour. We ended up losing, and getting the silver metal. But when I got home that day, I felt like She-Ra. I felt so strong, so CAPABLE.
My senior year I was placed in our 4th singles flight. Playing on my own was completely different; I ran a lot more, and learned so much about the game. That year our team took home the gold. We won every single match we played, something that had never happened in the history of our school. Being a part of that made me feel so special. Now, though, I haven’t touched my racket in 2 years. I’m afraid of jiggling in embarrassing places, and looking foolish. I’m going to do it anyway, though. I dug out the rackets last night, and I’m buying balls this week. Husband and I WILL get a match in before the snow comes. I just NEED it. I NEED IT.
I’ve thought about it, and setting a goal of 200 lbs by the end of the month is a bit ridiculous. I’ve changed my goal to 215 lbs. This is still 8 lbs, which will take work, but it’s achievable, and I think I’ll still scoot into some old pants if I lose that!!
Yesterday dinner plans changed… again. I’ve been going out too much! My mom brought my sister and I out to eat at Arnies (yes, we were the only people under 65 there!). I got half a turkey Panini and French onion soup. I ate all of the sandwich, and half the soup (minus the glob of cheese on top). It was fabulous!!
Today is election day. I see a lot of sitting in front of the television in my immediate future. Last election I was GLUED to the stupid thing! I have to work until 1:00, then a physical for our Chinese work visas, then doin’ the civic duty thing, then probably just going home and doing some cleaning and laundry.
I want to play tennis again. I never played sports in middle school. I tried out for basketball once, but couldn’t do a lay up, and got axed. Freshman year, I heard about the tennis team. The most INTERESTING thing I heard was that there were NO CUTS!! I immediately joined. I ran a mile every day, did suicides, and got in great shape! Sprinting, swinging, and stopping really fast will do that to you. I was down to about 143 lbs, and it was a very muscular 143. On my 5’7 body, that meant I was actually normal! I wore a size medium uniform; my skirt was oh-so-cute too. I felt so much pride when I would have an away game and we’d all wear our uniforms to school. I’d strut around, all the while thinking “I’m an athlete”.
I was no good that year. I had two left feet and terrible hand-eye coordination. I played alternate, meaning my matches didn’t count towards the team score. But I still loved it! Our team was the worst in the whole conference. We hadn’t won a single match against another school in 3 years. My sophomore year, we won one. My junior year, I actually started playing on the team. I was a member of our 3rd flight doubles team; I started getting good, and smashed the ball like a pro! We even won about half of our matches. It was amazing!
My fondest memories of school involve tennis. On tournament days, we’d all meet at school and pile on the bus in our uniforms, warm-up suits, and sweatshirts. We’d have coolers with our breakfast and lunch in them, and canteens of water. We’d drive to the host school, pile out, and warm up. Then we’d split into our flights and start the matches! One tournament I was at, we had 3 matches. Each time we won one, we progressed. The first match was only 1.5 hours long. It was a cool, comfortable morning. After 30 minutes of rest, we started match #2 – and it was about 75 degrees. We played for 3 hours, and were exhausted at the end, but at least we had won! We rested for another 30 minutes, and then competed for the gold. The match was almost 4 hours long. We were absolutely beat. The match dragged on, and we were in a tie breaker for almost an hour. We ended up losing, and getting the silver metal. But when I got home that day, I felt like She-Ra. I felt so strong, so CAPABLE.
My senior year I was placed in our 4th singles flight. Playing on my own was completely different; I ran a lot more, and learned so much about the game. That year our team took home the gold. We won every single match we played, something that had never happened in the history of our school. Being a part of that made me feel so special. Now, though, I haven’t touched my racket in 2 years. I’m afraid of jiggling in embarrassing places, and looking foolish. I’m going to do it anyway, though. I dug out the rackets last night, and I’m buying balls this week. Husband and I WILL get a match in before the snow comes. I just NEED it. I NEED IT.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The bigger effects of Weight Gain
This morning I’m having oatmeal.. again. J I’m amazed by how much I love starting my day off this way! It’s hot, comfy, and keeps me full most of the morning. Plus, I think it’s really contributing to the weight loss so far. Well, WAS. I’m up 1.5 lbs from yesterday morning. But I can see why, with the way I ate yesterday! Also, the kale chips were a little too salty, so I may be retaining some water. We’ll see!
Menu:
Breakfast - Oatmeal with ½ banana, ½ tbsp natural PB, a drizzle of honey, and flax seed
Lunch – salad with baby greens, spinach, zucchini, carrots, apples, garbanzo beans, and a slice of turkey
Dinner – spinach/feta chicken sausage with whole wheat pasta. I think I’ll toss it with a little EVOO, spinach, and feta. We’ll see how it goes!
On the husband front: I think we’re going to make progress. I haven’t been the wife that I should have been. I was thinking about the way my weight effects people other than me, and it just breaks my heart! My family is worried, and my marriage has suffered.
While he still finds be beautiful, my weight has changed me. I am afraid to go out with his friends, or meet new friends of his. I’ve become a hermit, and I used to be so outgoing! I get possessive, because I hate that he has more fun with other people than with me. But that’s largely my fault. I’m not waiting until I lose weight to change this, though. I’m going to start becoming the Amy he fell in love with; funny, bubbly, easygoing. He’s not embarrassed for his friends to see me at my weight, so why should I be?
Menu:
Breakfast - Oatmeal with ½ banana, ½ tbsp natural PB, a drizzle of honey, and flax seed
Lunch – salad with baby greens, spinach, zucchini, carrots, apples, garbanzo beans, and a slice of turkey
Dinner – spinach/feta chicken sausage with whole wheat pasta. I think I’ll toss it with a little EVOO, spinach, and feta. We’ll see how it goes!
On the husband front: I think we’re going to make progress. I haven’t been the wife that I should have been. I was thinking about the way my weight effects people other than me, and it just breaks my heart! My family is worried, and my marriage has suffered.
While he still finds be beautiful, my weight has changed me. I am afraid to go out with his friends, or meet new friends of his. I’ve become a hermit, and I used to be so outgoing! I get possessive, because I hate that he has more fun with other people than with me. But that’s largely my fault. I’m not waiting until I lose weight to change this, though. I’m going to start becoming the Amy he fell in love with; funny, bubbly, easygoing. He’s not embarrassed for his friends to see me at my weight, so why should I be?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Um.. aren't you supposed to GAIN weight on weekends? Because I LOST.
123 lbs even. AWESOME!!! Down 7 lbs from when I started this blog.
Anyway, yesterday I ended up having my oatmeal for lunch, then took a bath and a nap. Then off to date night with the husband. We went to see a movie (at which I had popcorn, but added nothing!!!). I also had a diet pepsi. We enjoyed a comedy, then Husband wanted dinner. Knowing that I'm on a mission to make him happy, I chose his favorite; Long John Silvers. Diet nightmare. And my nightmare, too - the place smells like nastiness. But off we went, and I did myself proud! I ordered off their new "healthy" menu. I got grilled tilapia, rice, corn on the cob, and mixed veggies. It also came with a big roll, which Husband ate. I didn't eat the rice, and ate about half the fish. And boy, was I full!!
Later in the evening I munched on a little cheese and triscuits. This morning, I was half a pound lighter :)
I'm not anticipating loss today; I cheated. I had oatmeal for breakfast, but then went to my grandparents for dinner. I had swiss steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli/cauliflower/carrots. I didn't overeat though. I had a SMALL dish of apple cobbler and a small scoop of ice cream. For dinner, I just had a little turkey breast, cheese, and crackers, along with some Kale chips. I may have a grapefruit later.
Back to the grindstone tomorrow morning; and hopefully another week of success!
Anyway, yesterday I ended up having my oatmeal for lunch, then took a bath and a nap. Then off to date night with the husband. We went to see a movie (at which I had popcorn, but added nothing!!!). I also had a diet pepsi. We enjoyed a comedy, then Husband wanted dinner. Knowing that I'm on a mission to make him happy, I chose his favorite; Long John Silvers. Diet nightmare. And my nightmare, too - the place smells like nastiness. But off we went, and I did myself proud! I ordered off their new "healthy" menu. I got grilled tilapia, rice, corn on the cob, and mixed veggies. It also came with a big roll, which Husband ate. I didn't eat the rice, and ate about half the fish. And boy, was I full!!
Later in the evening I munched on a little cheese and triscuits. This morning, I was half a pound lighter :)
I'm not anticipating loss today; I cheated. I had oatmeal for breakfast, but then went to my grandparents for dinner. I had swiss steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed broccoli/cauliflower/carrots. I didn't overeat though. I had a SMALL dish of apple cobbler and a small scoop of ice cream. For dinner, I just had a little turkey breast, cheese, and crackers, along with some Kale chips. I may have a grapefruit later.
Back to the grindstone tomorrow morning; and hopefully another week of success!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Rocky Friday
*sigh* Didn’t do that great yesterday, or this morning. Well, compared to the “old” Amy, I did, but I didn’t do as well as I’d have liked!
Yesterday:
Breakfast: oats with banana and cinnamon
Snack: carrots and hummus
Lunch: leftover potato kale soup
Snack: 2 of Matthew’s French fries, a serving of wheat thins, a laughing cow, and a piece of deli ham
Dinner: McDonald’s quarter pounder with cheese (pickle and lettuce only, because I’m picky like that) and a small fruit n’ yogurt parfait.
Calorie-wise, it really wasn’t too terrible. It was about 1500 calories. But I wish I had gotten something more nutritional for dinner than a McDonald’s burger!
I’m in the office this morning. On a Saturday. Last night Husband and I had yet another fight. We were awake arguing until 3:00 am. I’m terrified; he thinks he might want to leave me. Please pray for us; I’m beginning another big project besides weight loss; making my husband fall back in love with me.
Anyway, my alarm went off at 6:00 – three hours of sleep. And I was here at the bum-crack of dawn. I have to make up my day off earlier this week… but the upside is that since I’m the only one in my section of the office, I’m wearing my PJ’s and jamming to Bon Jovi!!!
I woke up early this morning to make oatmeal; usually I do it the night before, but I wanted them really fresh. I made them with a banana and some honey. I always make two servings and package one up for Husband. Anyway, halfway to work I realized I left the oatmeal sitting on the counter, and I didn’t have time to go back. I couldn’t POSSIBLY go until noon without anything, my tummy was already rumbling!! Looming up ahead was Burger King; and I caved. I didn’t do badly, I just got 1 cheesy BK wrapper (tortilla, eggs, bacon, cheese, hash browns). But I don’t know yet what it did calorie-wise. I’ll see later. Maybe I’ll have my oatmeal for lunch…
weight today: 123.5 lbs!!!
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