Thursday, January 22, 2009


Friends. I forgot how important they are.

You know what? I didn’t have any for a couple years. After I started dating Husband, and we got married, I buried myself in our relationship. Pushed away the people I loved, I just consumed myself with my marriage and our “future”. This did three VERY damaging things.

1. Pushed my husband away. If you have no friends, and live only for one other person, you become clingy. You don’t have your own interests; and the mystery is gone. If you’re always together, you run out of things to talk about; you’ve experienced it all together, and don’t have anything to share. I lost my identity. I used to be outgoing, funny, INVOLVED. I used to play sports, do drama, go out with friends, bowl, write, sing, laugh… and they made me a more interesting person.
2. They took away my support system. I had a great group of friends who loved me very much; as I pushed them away, I obviously lost that. Sometimes a girl just needs to talk to her girlfriends. There were many times that I wanted that, but had no one to turn to.
3. I hurt my friends. By pushing them away, I severed friendships that meant a lot to several people. I inflicted pain on people I loved.

So now what? I’ve been working on this. I work with my best friend from childhood. We were really distanced for a few years, but things are getting better. I know that I am no longer her best friend; when I fell in love, she had another friend who was there for her and stepped into the role I gave up. I’m so happy for her; but I value our friendship, and I’m happy that we’re getting closer. I have other friends that I’ve been meeting for coffee, and dinners, etc. One of my very best friends and I just had coffee last night. It’s amazing; we’ve changed so much since high school. She’s got a bachelors degree, and is waiting to hear if she has been accepted to an ivy league school this fall. She’s been in and out of three serious relationships; and is currently recovering from a hard, bitter breakup. Sitting across the table from her, I felt comfortable. I feel that many of my co-worker friends don’t really know ME. And that’s my fault. I don’t know who I am right now. But this friend, she’s heard my dirt. She’s held me when I’ve sobbed. She’s hopped on a train with me at age 16 and discovered the wonder of Chicago for a whole weekend. She’s supported me in decisions that no one else has. She’s brought out the adventurous side of me. And even though I’m leaving for the other side of the world, and she’ll probably be living on the other side of the country when I return, we know that we’ll still be there for each other. There was a gap where we didn’t talk for about two years; and when we did finally see each other again, it all fell back into place. Looking into her eyes as we were talking about life, and how hard it is, and how it’s nothing that we expected, I felt… REAL.

Understand the importance of good friends. Yes, the blog world is a great place to find support, understanding, etc., but there is no substitute for a good friend.

Today is my fourth wedding anniversary. We haven’t decided what to do this evening. It is a very bittersweet day. But as I left this morning, I kissed my sleeping husband’s shoulder and decided that today, I am going to celebrate.


debby said...

I completely agree with you about the 'flesh and blood' friends. I think that the people who only have internet friends do not even know what they are missing.

Alaska Pickle said...

I've been through something similar and it hurts. It is great that you realize what you need, now to go find it. Interesting post!