Bad weekend. Don’t ask.
Top weight since Christmas? 223 lbs.
I climbed back on my rickety old wagon this weekend, and what did the scale tell me this morning? 218.5 lbs. So at least there is something to be happy about! Yesterday’s menu:
Breakfast: oatmeal (banana, a bit of honey, natural PB, and some butterscotch chips)
Lunch: Whole wheat pita with tuna salad, small side salad
Dinner: Huge bowl of steamed veggies (broccoli, carrots, cauliflower) covered with ½ serving of cheese broccoli soup, yogurt
Snacks: 100 calorie banana pudding cup with light cool whip on top, 100 calorie pack of M&Ms
Yes, I know… the snacks weren’t good choices. But I’m going through crap, and PMSing big time; chocolate has a way of helping a person cope. And I didn’t go crazy – only about 230 calories for both snacks put together. I felt very fulfilled by my meals. I worried that my dinner wouldn’t have enough calories to last me; but that huge heaping bowl kept me full for several hours!
I think I’ve found a church that I want to stay at. It’s a church I never would have even attended before; it’s almost what you’d call a “mega-church”. It’s huge. The kind of church you can walk into and disappear. I always thought that was a cop-out. The church I attended from elementary school through my first year of marriage had 300 members, and was a conservative Baptist church. I’d eye these churches and think “that church is full of wishy-washy people who don’t want to take responsibility for their faith”.
I’ve only been to this new church twice, but it seems nothing like that. The messages are amazing. Currently they are going through a series called “Tough Questions”. They’re tackling subjects like “How can I know whether the Bible is literal or not?” “Is there one “true” religion?” And “If God loves the world so much, how come bad things happen?”. These messages could spell disaster, because the answers can vary so much depending on the person answering them. But so far, the messages have been truly biblically supported, and very encouraging. And I find myself needing to be one of those “wishy-washy Christians” right now. I was wrong to judge them. And to think of them as "wishy-washy" in the first place! I see them now through new eyes. Many of them are very involved in the church; it’s their home, as much as my smaller church was mine. There are many people there that love God, and I’ve met some very genuine believers. I am leaving in 1.5 months. I can’t get involved in ministry at this point. I want to be able to go somewhere to worship and fellowship, and leave my worries and troubles behind. Yesterday was amazing; I walked in sad, discouraged, my heart aching. I walked out rejuvenated. The message was on “Doubt”. It was so encouraging to hear other people’s struggles, and to hear that they were able to push through it, and find God on the other side. We studied Thomas in depth, which I’ve never done. All in all, a wonderful Sunday morning.
So today the diet is kaput once more; I’ve left my lunch in my car, which my husband took to work. So I know that I have a packet of instant plain oatmeal in my drawer; that will be breakfast. I have a Fiber One bar and fruit leather in my purse; snacks! Now I just have to try to find something healthy for lunch; I have Garlic Rice Noodles in my drawer, but they are kinda gross. That, or the vending machine. Maybe just some cashews and a granola bar? *sigh* I wish my brain would work lately.